Another year older.....

So here I am... now 33. I think. I sort of stopped counting after 30. Not for the usual reasons mind you. I am not a person who will remain 29 forever. I was very happy to enter my 30's and to be honest so much has happened since then that the years just flew by. Now 30's came with a few down sides... like I now know why they call it "middle" age. Every cupcake, hotdog, carrot stick, or anything else consumed goes right to the middle. And we are not just talking a weekend vacay.... they move in. Plant gardens, change the paint and all. Then they want to raise families and add on to house.... I am getting fat in places I never had it before. I am so trying to avoid the butt in the front look... ugh. I'm not as energetic as I used to be either. Which is understandable, but it brings me to the biggest concern I have about getting older. I want another kid and the clock is ticking. Now I know women have kids well into their 40's. Healthy kids, too. But  my concern is I am no longer 20... it was easy to stay up 36 hours straight with a sick 2 year old and an infant. My body could handle it... I'm not so sure now. Add in already having three very high risk pregnancies and 2 complicated c-sections. But then with age comes wisdom... the wisdom to know that what ever happens, happens.

Sort of like yesterday. It was my birthday and everyone is broke. I know that better then anyone. I was expecting some happy go lucky messages on FB and maybe a card or two. But yesterday turned out to be quiet full and fun. I scored some great yarny gifts, gift cards and even flowers.

In May my name was drawn for a Pinkberry party, so I invited some folks. Expecting maybe a half an hour of hellos and Happy Birthdays turned into 2 hours of people coming when others had to leave And the folks at Pinkberry were awesome! I highly recommend the new watermelon flavor. I went to the market and came across a birthday cupcake!

 

Well, here I am another year older. I am looking forward to the coming year, especially my upcoming trip home in a few days. New York + My Wolf = Happy me.

This week in Sports.

  Well hello Wednesday ... I didn't see you there. Damn this year is flying by. We have something like 20 days of school left. Where does the time go? I have been thinking about how much time seems to be wasted by this whole work thing. I don't get to see anyone as much as I like because either we are working, tired from working, have to work early the next day or don't make enough money working. Yes the work thing sucks. And it looks like soon I will be having to get a second job, thus working more.

 Anyway... I have been a crafty Mo-Fo here lately. I went to Stitches with my Bitches 2 weekends ago and it was kinda inspirational. I was looking for a project bag above anything... I have plenty of yarn to work with as it is. But my search fast became a Goldilocks moment. Everything was either too big, or too small. Very expensive or looked cheap. Nothing really caught me eye, but in my mind I could see what I wanted, so on a day off I set to work with a set of fats I bought and made my bag, Baby!

 I am quite happy with how it turned out. I even took out the bedazzler Apple bought me a few years ago and added Bling! While it is not a Nemaste bag it is perfect for what I need. 


    On Saturday morning I was looking around on the interwebs and came across this gem  of a site with an adorable free pattern for tiny bunnies! I wrote it down ( cause I am to cheap to buy a printer ) and before Knit Group was over I was the hoppy mom of these two. 

Everyone that passed by wanted one.... I have since made and given
away 4 more... and have picked out the yarn for my next one. Think I will make a camo/ paintball one! 


  Speaking off I think I am off to play Bunny God and make more. Toodles!

  

  

A monday full of Bleh

    I am feeling kinda old this evening. Not age old. Life old. I should feel more rested after a week off, but when you are sick for half that week you just feel better. Not much more. I left work today feeling like it was the Thursday before our Spring Break. It's stress. I know that. Stress of being an adult. Today was a "grown up" day. And I am ending it with curlers in my hair. Those soft, squishy ones. My saving grace is that I was humming MegaDeth's Psychotron while putting them in. 

   The morning started out pretty good actually. Everyone woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed. Got to work on time and was pleased to find out I didn't f*$k up and I did place the order to be delivered tomorrow! Yay me!!! While on my lunch break I called my lawyer. Nothing major, just need to make sure my I's are crossed and my T's dotted. But I realize I am in the wrong business. I will be paying $300.00 for an hour of a persons time. That is $150.00 for half and hour or $75.00 for 15 minutes. Shit... I don't make that in a week. The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. I was able to make up some of that snow time the county is holding over our heads. I think it is going to be a good week.

    I spoke with my Grandpa today. It had to do with some family stuff, but it was an eerily familiar conversation. He was asking about the girls and how life is and then he started saying almost word for word the same things Dad said to me in our last conversation. He was telling me about his health and then he said it... He said he is tired. He's 80 years old and tired of hurting, of being tired. Dad said the same thing almost a year ago. I think people know when something is up... and now my heart is heavy. I hope I am wrong... that he just means he is looking forward to the  doctors finding out what is wrong....but this is me and those who know me, know. 


  I mowed the rest of my back yard today. What a nice feeling. It was quite the chore being as I never mowed it last year. It needed to go wild and fill in all it's naked spots. I didn't go outside yesterday with the intent of mowing. I was going to work on emptying the pool. Till I found the body. The body that I removed only to discover it was sans head. NO FREAKING HEAD! You know what that means? It's still in the pool! Gross! Eeeeewwwww! You know who has to clean out the pool? Yeah. Me. God, these are the times I hate being "it". So I disposed of said floater and started up the mower. It looks so lush back there and I am happy. Now I need to work on getting rid of a tree and some weeds that have taken over.


   A storm is rolling in. The curtains are blowing and there is a nice chill in the air. It makes me long for those Long Island Storms. The loud, full of piss and vinegar storms that you could sit on the beach and watch roll in. Unfortunately storms around here have the threat of a tornado attached to them. Even when they don't there is that thought in the back of your head. Well, at least in mine. Well hell... a siren. I never know what the difference is between them.


 I guess I should go to bed. CRCT's are starting tomorrow. The girls are nervous and they shouldn't be. They are so bright. It comes naturally to them. Ahhhh... here comes the rain. Good night all!

Ahhh, the beginning....

  So this is it... I am embarking on another journey. A blog. Will I have something to say? This is me, I ALWAYS have something to say. So what has taken me so long? Not sure.... How about an introduction.

   I wear many hats in my little world. The most important is that of Mom. It's a hat made of a paper plate and ribbon. With dandelions and tissue paper flowers glued to it. I have 2 girls who are 10 (Apple) and 11 (Bug). They are the most amazing people I know. In their little lives they have been through so much and come out on the other side like champs. They are comfortable in their own skin and not afraid to be who they want to that day. That is HUGE these days. Being a parent of a middle school daughter is no joke. It's why I am thinking of upping my Zoloft 'scrip.

   Obviously I am someones daughter. This hat is one handed down through many generations. It has a pin on it of a scale. Once you become someones mom, you have to balance being a daughter, too. You realize you don't know it all but have to act like you do. Those days when you have to be strong for your kids are the days you want to crawl into your Mom's lap and be held. Trying to learn from the mistakes made before you, but having to make your own. Luckily I have a Mom who got so much right and it seems to be working for me with my girls. 

   Lover... I am someones girlfriend. Ahhhhh, my Wolf. I guess this one really isn't a hat. I wear my heart on my sleeve. This relationship is different from any other I have ever had. The man drives me insane, in a good way. I am falling madly for this guy and absolutely afraid to tell him. I am an in your face, tell it like it is kinda woman...No fear. Nothing ventured nothing gained. But with him.... This guy turns me into a puddle of girlieness that clams up and get silent when I am around him. He amazes me. He is beautiful and worldly. He reads... MY God, the man reads!!! He is intelligent and a smart ass, and loves food like I do. With a passion for the experience as much as the taste. He is an Italian from New York... can we say Marcie's Krypotnite.  I don't know what our future holds but I will enjoy every moment of it, whether it is 5 days more or 50 years.     

  Hello, Ms Marcie the Lunch Lady here. I wear this hairnet proudly. It has given me the opportunities to get where I am today. I am the kids equivalent of a bartender. In those 20 seconds they are in front of me I hear about their summer plans, what they want for their birthdays, who they like or hate... it goes on and on. These kids are wonderful and I don't think many folks realize that. 

  The hobbies hat is 3 sided. On one side it has yarn and knitting needles poking out. I knit... to look at me you wouldn't believe it. I have this obsession with it. It's so old fashioned yet the modern patterns are amazing. I can push myself to try new things with it or do something simple just to keep my hands busy and mind at peace. 
  The next side is a little library. I eat books for breakfast. To dive into a world that is not mine but with images shaped in my head is better then any movie. Some days it is hard to chose between the books and the yarn.
  My 3rd side is camo and paint splatters. My best friend turned me onto it last summer and after the first time playing there was no going back. To be out there on the field in battle. There is something primal about it. Hunting... being hunted. I think that being a woman in the sport makes it more fun. I'm not expected to be a threat and yet am one of the bigger ones. I'm not afraid of putting myself out there and getting shot. (Sorta how I live my life)

  The hardest hat... Woman. I am all these things, but the most important hat isn't a hat at all. It's me. It's my head that they all sit on. So many people forget that they are someone. They get swept up into a category and it defines them. " I am a mom", " I am a CEO", "I am a this or that". No facets or otherness. No hallways from the front door to the other parts of them. They become the front door and never step beyond that. After my divorce I had to figure out who I was again. I can remember the first weekend without my kids I didn't know what to do at first. Sort of walked around in a haze. Then I remembered I had knit group. I had a life beyond "Mom" and "Work". There was "Me". Ever evolving and growing. I am covered in tattoos, but dress like a 50's housewife. I knit socks and baby sweaters but read paranormal romances. I love to laugh but hate comedies. ( I'm an action flick chick )

And thus ends my intro....