Something happened at work yesterday. I am not sure what, and I am baffled by the whole thing. I went in feeling like crap after a visit to the Urgent Care for an allergic reaction, the day before. Loaded up on steroids I knew I would be having to keep myself in check and just be mellow. Boss Lady kinda gave me the " You weren't here yesterday and everything that went wrong was your fault" speech. But Kitten and Hey Lady perked me up and the day went on. The day was tense, Nacho Day... everyone is feeling run down and just ready for the week to be over. And then it happened....whatever "it" was. Boss Lady yelled at me, and I had no fight in me. I knew she wasn't right but I saw her point, so I just let it slide. I noticed right away Hey Lady was pissed.. so I figured that BL got on her, too and asked what was up. I was not expecting the explosion of hatred focused at me. One day later I am still not sure what happened, what she told me made no sense and was not true but she won't speak to me now.
Why does this bother me so? Why as adults do we get more upset when a co worker, friend or stranger comes at us with negativity. Oddly enough while I am going through this I had a teacher come up to me and ask the same thing. Why does it hurt so much when someone whom we think is a friend or even just an acquaintance all of a sudden is, quite simply, mean? Since I didn't have Hey Lady to cut up with today, I did a lot of thinking.
I am around kids all day. I see how they interact and deal with each other. How they group off, chose their friends and who they allow close and keep at a distance. As adults I don't think we have the luxury that kids do. They have a public swimming pool of people to chose from while we get a 3 ring blow up. They are around their friends everyday and if there is drama it gets taken care of right away. If Jenny hurts Becky's feelings Becky starts crying and the other kids rally around her, then an adult might get involved. It gets worked out one way or another and by lunch Becky and Jenny are sitting together and laughing. We don't have that luxury. Crying is a weakness, we analyze the whole situation and then we back off. We retreat into our head, our own personal space and try and figure it all out. The stretch of silence makes things more stressful and I think the situation gets worse. Negativity surrounds the whole thing and then the situation either diffuses itself and you move on or you never get past it. While the kids wonder what is wrong with the kid who made them cry, we automatically wonder what is wrong with us.
It is hard for us to make friends. You graduate high school/college and the public pool turns into a backyard above ground. You have your friends that you have always known but you don't get to see them as often. You get a job... get married and life takes over. Beers every Friday turns into once a month if you can find the sitter or if you are not working late (again). One might make a friend or two at work or a couple in the neighborhood. Moms might start talking at the park while the kids run around, but is it creepy to say "Hey, can I give you my number... we can shoot the shit while the kids play."? Dating? don't let me get started on that... You think it is hard to make friends. I learned that the hard way. How do you meet a possible life partner when you can't even talk to the other moms at Open House. Even though I am outgoing and bubbly the friends/dating thing was hard. I am lucky that I have met the friends I have and Wolf is a man's man who took the first step. And he's lucky I stalked him.. lol. Through them I have been able to expand my swimming waters and continue to meet great people.
But tonight I will go to sleep with a heavy heart still wondering why the things that happened at work happened and will I get to hear Hey Lady's wind chime laugh again after one of my fart jokes.
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