I wanted to come up with something really catchy and quirky as my post heading, but really when it comes down to it, if someone googles "women" and "paintball" I want this found. I want this found because there is nothing but outdated B***S*** when you type in these 2 words. Half and sometimes fully naked women with painted on splatters and guns that are shiny and new. Cheap tee shirts on Zazzle with corny catch phrases and lame graphics. Now I will admit that today I changed my fb profile picture to a cartoon of a redhead in combat boots, daisy dukes and an olive green tank top and huge boobs. But lets face it... other then the daisy dukes it looks like me when I play. Hehe. In all seriousness though I am... well I am not sure what I am. If it is confused, or pissed or saddened by the lack of a woman's imprint on the sport. Let me start from the beginning.
My BFF is a lovely man. He has brightened up my life in many ways and introducing me to paintball is one of them. Ranger told me he was going to play one day and said he had an extra gun and would like for me to go. Thought I might be pretty good at it. Hmmmm, guns+ getting dirty+ shooting at live people= HELL YEAH! I was all sorts of excited all the way there and upon arrival at the field. Eyes wide open taking in all the sights and sounds. Listening to everything Ranger told me. Then I walked out onto the field. I wanted to shit a brick. Jump into a stack of tires and hide until it was over. Then the horn blew and something primal kicked in. The paint started flying and I went from shaking to running full throttle. I found out pretty quick that I like to be on the front lines... I am small and fast and balls to the wall.
Ranger got me my own gun. A Kaos pump (Black Betty) and I learned how to play strategically with it. When walking onto a field I feel I was looked down upon since I was a woman. Add in the pump and I was a joke. Then they realized the shots that were hitting them were from me. I think I earned some respect when I was dared to play a speedball game with my pump. Held my own and was the last man out on my team all three games. Of course on that last game I was lit up, point blank, by a 10 year old. For the record he only lives because I couldn't move. Ranger and I played many a game together after that. Last Spring I bought myself a Tippmann Carver. Ranger had some Tippmann 98's that I played with and I knew Tippmann was the way I wanted to go. Carver came up at a good price and I couldn't not take it. I fell in love the moment I held him. I think I wouldn't mind a 98 in the future. Something I can play around with and modify but as far as guns go I am very happy. Ranger moved away last Summer and I was left alone. Left alone in a mans world.
I think the first time I went to the field alone I was more nervous then the first time I ever played. He was known around there. He walked in and people knew his name, his guns, the team he played on. I was the Robin to his Batman. There, but just as easily, not. I talked myself out of going three times before I couldn't take it any more. I NEEDED to go. I needed to let off some steam, so I gave in and went. The refs remembered me and asked about Ranger. They were sorry to see him gone but glad I was out there. The players didn't give me much notice. I think they looked at me and dismissed me pretty quick since I am "just a girl". Hell, I have gone onto a field and looked at women and had the, "Oh dear God, it's a chick. Save us.", thoughts. I had two women at my back one time in a castle game. They could have run right in an won the game... I would have layed down some paint to keep them safe. They wouldn't move! They looked at me and said they didn't want to get shot. I asked them "Why the F*** are you HERE then?" before I ran towards the castle doors and took 4 to the chest. So I understood the comments I heard and the jokes. But then I went on the field and started asking their strategy. Who was going where? Who knew the field and it's layout? No answers? I would start barking out orders. When the horn blows, I'm gone... out front and center. Yelling out positions of the other team and telling guys to move up. Encouraging and leading if need be. Yes, it's just a game but it's a game of war and in war you need a leader. I have been playing on my own since last fall and when I left last week I had refs and players alike shaking my hand and saying they can't wait to play again and they are NOT trying to get in my pants. I was one of the guys.
But the reality is that this is a guys sport. I go to the field and I am easily the only woman out of 100 guys. If there are others, they have rental gear and are obviously there with their men. They usually do not last after 2 games and complain the whole time while giving me dirty looks. But then, while looking at some fields back home in NY, it was like a whole other world. Pictures of women, lots of women, playing. And smiling paint stained smiles. Wearing camo and doing maintenance on their own guns! I was floored and it started my quest to find out more about women in the sport. A year later and I think there is even less then I found last summer. Any article I find about women in paintball is a "how to" on getting your wife/sister/mom/girlfriend to come and play with you, or "women play this sport and they have teams and yeah, that's about it". I read one article about Kimberly Ma, written by a photographer who was shooting her. After she no longer played. Well written but not life changing for me. Maxim did a lovely spread in '04 of Women in Paintball. All size 2 and beautiful. Teams I read about, websites I find, women's names I come across... all outdated. Pictures? That's a joke. I don't wear any gear besides a mask and gloves, but I wear clothes. And why only speedball? I can't be the only woman who prefers woodsball and city games.
Gear is also a problem I have come across. Type in "women's paintball gear" and you will get tons of hits with links to paintball sites they say "sorry, no matches". Or my favorite is the occasional pink gun or jersey. Because all women love pink... right? When I play I am in a pair of women's fatigues and an olive green tank top. I wear a mask and full finger gloves. I tried chest protectors but they are geared towards men. I have DD cups and something that is meant to be worn flat bends in half over these babies. I would rather take the chance I might get hit then manuver around a peice of foam that does get in my way. I would love a jersey but if I am going to be dropping $50 - $100 on something, I want all the padding to be in the right places and not in my arm pits. I want it to fit me and not look like I am wearing my dads shirt with a pizza box underneath. I found a motorcross company with gear for women. It was pretty interchangable with PB gear, but it was an infant company and they had 3 colours. White/pink, white/yellow and white/blue. Mud may come out of white but I have jeans that are forever PB jeans thanks to some paint.
I have nothing against pink... in fact I am embracing it more now with my equipment. I used to not want to be seen on the field and with woodsball that is the norm. But here lately I have been playing city more and more and I want these guys to know it's me kicking their butts. So this week Carver got a makeover. Camo was just to mainstream... but as a lover of old vintage cars I came across an idea. I placed lace over the gun and the hopper and sprayed it with pink pearl glitter model car spray paint. The gun itself looks more camo but on the hopper you can make out the lace detail. I painted the accents and half the barrel pink too. No doubting who shot them now.
I am a mom of 2 girls who hosts a knitting group on Saturdays at the local coffee house and on Sundays I dress up for war and go kick some ass. I wear my hits as a badge of honor because they do not mean I am a terrible player.. they mean that I was the one who threw down her gun and ran for the flag when no one else would.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Apple and Bug and the Very Adult Week.
I have amazing kids. I mean , yes I know everyone says that but even if they weren't mine I would still feel the same. They are both dealing with some things this week that I am not sure most adults could handle with such ease and kindness.
Apple is 11 and in the 5th grade. Monday it came out that one of her classmates was pregnant. The news spread like wild fire amongst the adults and yes, I am also guilty. There are many versions of what happened, whether by choice or chance I am unsure. Honestly I don't care, I am not here to judge. No matter that she is as tall as I am and has hit puberty full on, she is a child plain and simple and all the "stories" have pointed to older boys or men. I used this situation to sit down and talk to my girls. App looked positively stricken. In fact I thought she was going to throw up. Bug, being in Middle School has become a little more jaded to the on goings between the kids and while she has not known anyone personally, she knows the possibilities of a pregnancy are there. Has heard things and known people who know people, yadda yadda. Fifth grade... 5th! These girls should still be playing with Barbies and watching Hanna Montana. Okay, maybe both are bad examples but you get my point. Apple, while fueled with all this knowledge has not said one word to anyone.... She has the HUGEST morsel of gossip. TV shows are built around situations such as this and she has not uttered a word.
Now like I said I sat down and talked with the girls. Of course about the obvious. They know the basics about sex... have asked questions and know that pregnancy and STD's are a risk. But this makes it hit close to home. It is real... these things happen. But I have also used it to show them about gossip and humanity in general. I have heard so many stories and versions and the whole chinese telephone effect of it all. If it comes around now to me I just say "Yes, I know a student is pregnant and yes I know who it is. No I know nothing else and I'm not saying who it is." When this girl walked in today, you saw the weight of the world on her shoulders. To say she looked stricken would be vastly understating it. Apple noticed too and brought it up after school. She was concerned because she noticed that the girl didn't eat lunch and then just got up and walked out. I see the wheels turning in App's head on how does she help her... even just walk up and let her know she is there for this girl in some way, but can't. Apple has to keep this knowledge to herself.
Now while there is new life in our school, Bug is dealing with the death of her best friends Mom. In January she told me her BFF was going through a lot because his mom had cancer. Well on Monday she found out she passed away. While the other kids are texting "when are you coming back" she is trying to keep his spirits up and give him a shoulder. She asked me today if she could meet him for an hour at the coffee shop near his house during spring break next week. She told me she is worried about him being cooped up in the house to long with no outlet for his grief. Thinks getting out if even for a little while might be good for him. What adult thinks of that let alone a 12 year old. We talked a bit about it all. She doesn't understand why the other kids are sort of blase about the whole thing. I explained that many people don't deal with a whole lot of death in their lives, especially at such and early age. By the time she was 11 she lost 2 grandparents and 2 extremely close family friends in four completely different ways. One was sick, one natural, one an accident and one suicide. Bug has seen the many ways people cope with these losses and how even one person can mourn in different ways. There are no words to really describe Bug and how she deals with the world. I see a lot of me in her but then, she is her own person. She is so innocent and yet handles things with this ease of a worldly person. She has a friend that was raped by her step dad and cuts herself.... Bug does not judge, does not try and get her to stop but tries to get her to channel the pain in humor. Morbid comedy... something our family does well. She can crack jokes that should not come so easily from a child but yet make sense in the situation. Bug told me recently that a friend of hers didn't realize that her father and I were divorced... that she came from a "broken home". When she asked why he said that, he told her that he thought all kids of divorced parents were sullen and depressed. She laughed. Said that no, it hadn't been easy but it got better. And then I think she cracked some joke about extra presents at holidays and 2 homes.
I know I am not always going to get it right as a parent. I try my hardest but I am only human. But my kids are human too and I try and remember that every day. I try and look at each of my students and remember that. Every little face... little set of eyes hold a growing soul that while yes, they are just "kids" will one day become adults. Some sooner then others. Each one has a story and I am glad that my girls see that, too.
Apple is 11 and in the 5th grade. Monday it came out that one of her classmates was pregnant. The news spread like wild fire amongst the adults and yes, I am also guilty. There are many versions of what happened, whether by choice or chance I am unsure. Honestly I don't care, I am not here to judge. No matter that she is as tall as I am and has hit puberty full on, she is a child plain and simple and all the "stories" have pointed to older boys or men. I used this situation to sit down and talk to my girls. App looked positively stricken. In fact I thought she was going to throw up. Bug, being in Middle School has become a little more jaded to the on goings between the kids and while she has not known anyone personally, she knows the possibilities of a pregnancy are there. Has heard things and known people who know people, yadda yadda. Fifth grade... 5th! These girls should still be playing with Barbies and watching Hanna Montana. Okay, maybe both are bad examples but you get my point. Apple, while fueled with all this knowledge has not said one word to anyone.... She has the HUGEST morsel of gossip. TV shows are built around situations such as this and she has not uttered a word.
Now like I said I sat down and talked with the girls. Of course about the obvious. They know the basics about sex... have asked questions and know that pregnancy and STD's are a risk. But this makes it hit close to home. It is real... these things happen. But I have also used it to show them about gossip and humanity in general. I have heard so many stories and versions and the whole chinese telephone effect of it all. If it comes around now to me I just say "Yes, I know a student is pregnant and yes I know who it is. No I know nothing else and I'm not saying who it is." When this girl walked in today, you saw the weight of the world on her shoulders. To say she looked stricken would be vastly understating it. Apple noticed too and brought it up after school. She was concerned because she noticed that the girl didn't eat lunch and then just got up and walked out. I see the wheels turning in App's head on how does she help her... even just walk up and let her know she is there for this girl in some way, but can't. Apple has to keep this knowledge to herself.
Now while there is new life in our school, Bug is dealing with the death of her best friends Mom. In January she told me her BFF was going through a lot because his mom had cancer. Well on Monday she found out she passed away. While the other kids are texting "when are you coming back" she is trying to keep his spirits up and give him a shoulder. She asked me today if she could meet him for an hour at the coffee shop near his house during spring break next week. She told me she is worried about him being cooped up in the house to long with no outlet for his grief. Thinks getting out if even for a little while might be good for him. What adult thinks of that let alone a 12 year old. We talked a bit about it all. She doesn't understand why the other kids are sort of blase about the whole thing. I explained that many people don't deal with a whole lot of death in their lives, especially at such and early age. By the time she was 11 she lost 2 grandparents and 2 extremely close family friends in four completely different ways. One was sick, one natural, one an accident and one suicide. Bug has seen the many ways people cope with these losses and how even one person can mourn in different ways. There are no words to really describe Bug and how she deals with the world. I see a lot of me in her but then, she is her own person. She is so innocent and yet handles things with this ease of a worldly person. She has a friend that was raped by her step dad and cuts herself.... Bug does not judge, does not try and get her to stop but tries to get her to channel the pain in humor. Morbid comedy... something our family does well. She can crack jokes that should not come so easily from a child but yet make sense in the situation. Bug told me recently that a friend of hers didn't realize that her father and I were divorced... that she came from a "broken home". When she asked why he said that, he told her that he thought all kids of divorced parents were sullen and depressed. She laughed. Said that no, it hadn't been easy but it got better. And then I think she cracked some joke about extra presents at holidays and 2 homes.
I know I am not always going to get it right as a parent. I try my hardest but I am only human. But my kids are human too and I try and remember that every day. I try and look at each of my students and remember that. Every little face... little set of eyes hold a growing soul that while yes, they are just "kids" will one day become adults. Some sooner then others. Each one has a story and I am glad that my girls see that, too.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Relationships Suck
Something happened at work yesterday. I am not sure what, and I am baffled by the whole thing. I went in feeling like crap after a visit to the Urgent Care for an allergic reaction, the day before. Loaded up on steroids I knew I would be having to keep myself in check and just be mellow. Boss Lady kinda gave me the " You weren't here yesterday and everything that went wrong was your fault" speech. But Kitten and Hey Lady perked me up and the day went on. The day was tense, Nacho Day... everyone is feeling run down and just ready for the week to be over. And then it happened....whatever "it" was. Boss Lady yelled at me, and I had no fight in me. I knew she wasn't right but I saw her point, so I just let it slide. I noticed right away Hey Lady was pissed.. so I figured that BL got on her, too and asked what was up. I was not expecting the explosion of hatred focused at me. One day later I am still not sure what happened, what she told me made no sense and was not true but she won't speak to me now.
Why does this bother me so? Why as adults do we get more upset when a co worker, friend or stranger comes at us with negativity. Oddly enough while I am going through this I had a teacher come up to me and ask the same thing. Why does it hurt so much when someone whom we think is a friend or even just an acquaintance all of a sudden is, quite simply, mean? Since I didn't have Hey Lady to cut up with today, I did a lot of thinking.
I am around kids all day. I see how they interact and deal with each other. How they group off, chose their friends and who they allow close and keep at a distance. As adults I don't think we have the luxury that kids do. They have a public swimming pool of people to chose from while we get a 3 ring blow up. They are around their friends everyday and if there is drama it gets taken care of right away. If Jenny hurts Becky's feelings Becky starts crying and the other kids rally around her, then an adult might get involved. It gets worked out one way or another and by lunch Becky and Jenny are sitting together and laughing. We don't have that luxury. Crying is a weakness, we analyze the whole situation and then we back off. We retreat into our head, our own personal space and try and figure it all out. The stretch of silence makes things more stressful and I think the situation gets worse. Negativity surrounds the whole thing and then the situation either diffuses itself and you move on or you never get past it. While the kids wonder what is wrong with the kid who made them cry, we automatically wonder what is wrong with us.
It is hard for us to make friends. You graduate high school/college and the public pool turns into a backyard above ground. You have your friends that you have always known but you don't get to see them as often. You get a job... get married and life takes over. Beers every Friday turns into once a month if you can find the sitter or if you are not working late (again). One might make a friend or two at work or a couple in the neighborhood. Moms might start talking at the park while the kids run around, but is it creepy to say "Hey, can I give you my number... we can shoot the shit while the kids play."? Dating? don't let me get started on that... You think it is hard to make friends. I learned that the hard way. How do you meet a possible life partner when you can't even talk to the other moms at Open House. Even though I am outgoing and bubbly the friends/dating thing was hard. I am lucky that I have met the friends I have and Wolf is a man's man who took the first step. And he's lucky I stalked him.. lol. Through them I have been able to expand my swimming waters and continue to meet great people.
But tonight I will go to sleep with a heavy heart still wondering why the things that happened at work happened and will I get to hear Hey Lady's wind chime laugh again after one of my fart jokes.
Why does this bother me so? Why as adults do we get more upset when a co worker, friend or stranger comes at us with negativity. Oddly enough while I am going through this I had a teacher come up to me and ask the same thing. Why does it hurt so much when someone whom we think is a friend or even just an acquaintance all of a sudden is, quite simply, mean? Since I didn't have Hey Lady to cut up with today, I did a lot of thinking.
I am around kids all day. I see how they interact and deal with each other. How they group off, chose their friends and who they allow close and keep at a distance. As adults I don't think we have the luxury that kids do. They have a public swimming pool of people to chose from while we get a 3 ring blow up. They are around their friends everyday and if there is drama it gets taken care of right away. If Jenny hurts Becky's feelings Becky starts crying and the other kids rally around her, then an adult might get involved. It gets worked out one way or another and by lunch Becky and Jenny are sitting together and laughing. We don't have that luxury. Crying is a weakness, we analyze the whole situation and then we back off. We retreat into our head, our own personal space and try and figure it all out. The stretch of silence makes things more stressful and I think the situation gets worse. Negativity surrounds the whole thing and then the situation either diffuses itself and you move on or you never get past it. While the kids wonder what is wrong with the kid who made them cry, we automatically wonder what is wrong with us.
It is hard for us to make friends. You graduate high school/college and the public pool turns into a backyard above ground. You have your friends that you have always known but you don't get to see them as often. You get a job... get married and life takes over. Beers every Friday turns into once a month if you can find the sitter or if you are not working late (again). One might make a friend or two at work or a couple in the neighborhood. Moms might start talking at the park while the kids run around, but is it creepy to say "Hey, can I give you my number... we can shoot the shit while the kids play."? Dating? don't let me get started on that... You think it is hard to make friends. I learned that the hard way. How do you meet a possible life partner when you can't even talk to the other moms at Open House. Even though I am outgoing and bubbly the friends/dating thing was hard. I am lucky that I have met the friends I have and Wolf is a man's man who took the first step. And he's lucky I stalked him.. lol. Through them I have been able to expand my swimming waters and continue to meet great people.
But tonight I will go to sleep with a heavy heart still wondering why the things that happened at work happened and will I get to hear Hey Lady's wind chime laugh again after one of my fart jokes.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Another year older.....
So here I am... now 33. I think. I sort of stopped counting after 30. Not for the usual reasons mind you. I am not a person who will remain 29 forever. I was very happy to enter my 30's and to be honest so much has happened since then that the years just flew by. Now 30's came with a few down sides... like I now know why they call it "middle" age. Every cupcake, hotdog, carrot stick, or anything else consumed goes right to the middle. And we are not just talking a weekend vacay.... they move in. Plant gardens, change the paint and all. Then they want to raise families and add on to house.... I am getting fat in places I never had it before. I am so trying to avoid the butt in the front look... ugh. I'm not as energetic as I used to be either. Which is understandable, but it brings me to the biggest concern I have about getting older. I want another kid and the clock is ticking. Now I know women have kids well into their 40's. Healthy kids, too. But my concern is I am no longer 20... it was easy to stay up 36 hours straight with a sick 2 year old and an infant. My body could handle it... I'm not so sure now. Add in already having three very high risk pregnancies and 2 complicated c-sections. But then with age comes wisdom... the wisdom to know that what ever happens, happens.
Sort of like yesterday. It was my birthday and everyone is broke. I know that better then anyone. I was expecting some happy go lucky messages on FB and maybe a card or two. But yesterday turned out to be quiet full and fun. I scored some great yarny gifts, gift cards and even flowers.
In May my name was drawn for a Pinkberry party, so I invited some folks. Expecting maybe a half an hour of hellos and Happy Birthdays turned into 2 hours of people coming when others had to leave And the folks at Pinkberry were awesome! I highly recommend the new watermelon flavor. I went to the market and came across a birthday cupcake!
Sort of like yesterday. It was my birthday and everyone is broke. I know that better then anyone. I was expecting some happy go lucky messages on FB and maybe a card or two. But yesterday turned out to be quiet full and fun. I scored some great yarny gifts, gift cards and even flowers.
Well, here I am another year older. I am looking forward to the coming year, especially my upcoming trip home in a few days. New York + My Wolf = Happy me.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
This week in Sports.
Well hello Wednesday ... I didn't see you there. Damn this year is flying by. We have something like 20 days of school left. Where does the time go? I have been thinking about how much time seems to be wasted by this whole work thing. I don't get to see anyone as much as I like because either we are working, tired from working, have to work early the next day or don't make enough money working. Yes the work thing sucks. And it looks like soon I will be having to get a second job, thus working more.
Anyway... I have been a crafty Mo-Fo here lately. I went to Stitches with my Bitches 2 weekends ago and it was kinda inspirational. I was looking for a project bag above anything... I have plenty of yarn to work with as it is. But my search fast became a Goldilocks moment. Everything was either too big, or too small. Very expensive or looked cheap. Nothing really caught me eye, but in my mind I could see what I wanted, so on a day off I set to work with a set of fats I bought and made my bag, Baby!
I am quite happy with how it turned out. I even took out the bedazzler Apple bought me a few years ago and added Bling! While it is not a Nemaste bag it is perfect for what I need.
On Saturday morning I was looking around on the interwebs and came across this gem of a site with an adorable free pattern for tiny bunnies! I wrote it down ( cause I am to cheap to buy a printer ) and before Knit Group was over I was the hoppy mom of these two.
Everyone that passed by wanted one.... I have since made and given
away 4 more... and have picked out the yarn for my next one. Think I will make a camo/ paintball one!
Speaking off I think I am off to play Bunny God and make more. Toodles!
Anyway... I have been a crafty Mo-Fo here lately. I went to Stitches with my Bitches 2 weekends ago and it was kinda inspirational. I was looking for a project bag above anything... I have plenty of yarn to work with as it is. But my search fast became a Goldilocks moment. Everything was either too big, or too small. Very expensive or looked cheap. Nothing really caught me eye, but in my mind I could see what I wanted, so on a day off I set to work with a set of fats I bought and made my bag, Baby!
I am quite happy with how it turned out. I even took out the bedazzler Apple bought me a few years ago and added Bling! While it is not a Nemaste bag it is perfect for what I need.
On Saturday morning I was looking around on the interwebs and came across this gem of a site with an adorable free pattern for tiny bunnies! I wrote it down ( cause I am to cheap to buy a printer ) and before Knit Group was over I was the hoppy mom of these two.
Everyone that passed by wanted one.... I have since made and given
away 4 more... and have picked out the yarn for my next one. Think I will make a camo/ paintball one!
Speaking off I think I am off to play Bunny God and make more. Toodles!
Monday, April 11, 2011
A monday full of Bleh
I am feeling kinda old this evening. Not age old. Life old. I should feel more rested after a week off, but when you are sick for half that week you just feel better. Not much more. I left work today feeling like it was the Thursday before our Spring Break. It's stress. I know that. Stress of being an adult. Today was a "grown up" day. And I am ending it with curlers in my hair. Those soft, squishy ones. My saving grace is that I was humming MegaDeth's Psychotron while putting them in.
The morning started out pretty good actually. Everyone woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed. Got to work on time and was pleased to find out I didn't f*$k up and I did place the order to be delivered tomorrow! Yay me!!! While on my lunch break I called my lawyer. Nothing major, just need to make sure my I's are crossed and my T's dotted. But I realize I am in the wrong business. I will be paying $300.00 for an hour of a persons time. That is $150.00 for half and hour or $75.00 for 15 minutes. Shit... I don't make that in a week. The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. I was able to make up some of that snow time the county is holding over our heads. I think it is going to be a good week.
I spoke with my Grandpa today. It had to do with some family stuff, but it was an eerily familiar conversation. He was asking about the girls and how life is and then he started saying almost word for word the same things Dad said to me in our last conversation. He was telling me about his health and then he said it... He said he is tired. He's 80 years old and tired of hurting, of being tired. Dad said the same thing almost a year ago. I think people know when something is up... and now my heart is heavy. I hope I am wrong... that he just means he is looking forward to the doctors finding out what is wrong....but this is me and those who know me, know.
I mowed the rest of my back yard today. What a nice feeling. It was quite the chore being as I never mowed it last year. It needed to go wild and fill in all it's naked spots. I didn't go outside yesterday with the intent of mowing. I was going to work on emptying the pool. Till I found the body. The body that I removed only to discover it was sans head. NO FREAKING HEAD! You know what that means? It's still in the pool! Gross! Eeeeewwwww! You know who has to clean out the pool? Yeah. Me. God, these are the times I hate being "it". So I disposed of said floater and started up the mower. It looks so lush back there and I am happy. Now I need to work on getting rid of a tree and some weeds that have taken over.
A storm is rolling in. The curtains are blowing and there is a nice chill in the air. It makes me long for those Long Island Storms. The loud, full of piss and vinegar storms that you could sit on the beach and watch roll in. Unfortunately storms around here have the threat of a tornado attached to them. Even when they don't there is that thought in the back of your head. Well, at least in mine. Well hell... a siren. I never know what the difference is between them.
I guess I should go to bed. CRCT's are starting tomorrow. The girls are nervous and they shouldn't be. They are so bright. It comes naturally to them. Ahhhh... here comes the rain. Good night all!
The morning started out pretty good actually. Everyone woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed. Got to work on time and was pleased to find out I didn't f*$k up and I did place the order to be delivered tomorrow! Yay me!!! While on my lunch break I called my lawyer. Nothing major, just need to make sure my I's are crossed and my T's dotted. But I realize I am in the wrong business. I will be paying $300.00 for an hour of a persons time. That is $150.00 for half and hour or $75.00 for 15 minutes. Shit... I don't make that in a week. The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. I was able to make up some of that snow time the county is holding over our heads. I think it is going to be a good week.
I spoke with my Grandpa today. It had to do with some family stuff, but it was an eerily familiar conversation. He was asking about the girls and how life is and then he started saying almost word for word the same things Dad said to me in our last conversation. He was telling me about his health and then he said it... He said he is tired. He's 80 years old and tired of hurting, of being tired. Dad said the same thing almost a year ago. I think people know when something is up... and now my heart is heavy. I hope I am wrong... that he just means he is looking forward to the doctors finding out what is wrong....but this is me and those who know me, know.
I mowed the rest of my back yard today. What a nice feeling. It was quite the chore being as I never mowed it last year. It needed to go wild and fill in all it's naked spots. I didn't go outside yesterday with the intent of mowing. I was going to work on emptying the pool. Till I found the body. The body that I removed only to discover it was sans head. NO FREAKING HEAD! You know what that means? It's still in the pool! Gross! Eeeeewwwww! You know who has to clean out the pool? Yeah. Me. God, these are the times I hate being "it". So I disposed of said floater and started up the mower. It looks so lush back there and I am happy. Now I need to work on getting rid of a tree and some weeds that have taken over.
A storm is rolling in. The curtains are blowing and there is a nice chill in the air. It makes me long for those Long Island Storms. The loud, full of piss and vinegar storms that you could sit on the beach and watch roll in. Unfortunately storms around here have the threat of a tornado attached to them. Even when they don't there is that thought in the back of your head. Well, at least in mine. Well hell... a siren. I never know what the difference is between them.
I guess I should go to bed. CRCT's are starting tomorrow. The girls are nervous and they shouldn't be. They are so bright. It comes naturally to them. Ahhhh... here comes the rain. Good night all!
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Ahhh, the beginning....
So this is it... I am embarking on another journey. A blog. Will I have something to say? This is me, I ALWAYS have something to say. So what has taken me so long? Not sure.... How about an introduction.
I wear many hats in my little world. The most important is that of Mom. It's a hat made of a paper plate and ribbon. With dandelions and tissue paper flowers glued to it. I have 2 girls who are 10 (Apple) and 11 (Bug). They are the most amazing people I know. In their little lives they have been through so much and come out on the other side like champs. They are comfortable in their own skin and not afraid to be who they want to that day. That is HUGE these days. Being a parent of a middle school daughter is no joke. It's why I am thinking of upping my Zoloft 'scrip.
Obviously I am someones daughter. This hat is one handed down through many generations. It has a pin on it of a scale. Once you become someones mom, you have to balance being a daughter, too. You realize you don't know it all but have to act like you do. Those days when you have to be strong for your kids are the days you want to crawl into your Mom's lap and be held. Trying to learn from the mistakes made before you, but having to make your own. Luckily I have a Mom who got so much right and it seems to be working for me with my girls.
Lover... I am someones girlfriend. Ahhhhh, my Wolf. I guess this one really isn't a hat. I wear my heart on my sleeve. This relationship is different from any other I have ever had. The man drives me insane, in a good way. I am falling madly for this guy and absolutely afraid to tell him. I am an in your face, tell it like it is kinda woman...No fear. Nothing ventured nothing gained. But with him.... This guy turns me into a puddle of girlieness that clams up and get silent when I am around him. He amazes me. He is beautiful and worldly. He reads... MY God, the man reads!!! He is intelligent and a smart ass, and loves food like I do. With a passion for the experience as much as the taste. He is an Italian from New York... can we say Marcie's Krypotnite. I don't know what our future holds but I will enjoy every moment of it, whether it is 5 days more or 50 years.
Hello, Ms Marcie the Lunch Lady here. I wear this hairnet proudly. It has given me the opportunities to get where I am today. I am the kids equivalent of a bartender. In those 20 seconds they are in front of me I hear about their summer plans, what they want for their birthdays, who they like or hate... it goes on and on. These kids are wonderful and I don't think many folks realize that.
The hobbies hat is 3 sided. On one side it has yarn and knitting needles poking out. I knit... to look at me you wouldn't believe it. I have this obsession with it. It's so old fashioned yet the modern patterns are amazing. I can push myself to try new things with it or do something simple just to keep my hands busy and mind at peace.
The next side is a little library. I eat books for breakfast. To dive into a world that is not mine but with images shaped in my head is better then any movie. Some days it is hard to chose between the books and the yarn.
My 3rd side is camo and paint splatters. My best friend turned me onto it last summer and after the first time playing there was no going back. To be out there on the field in battle. There is something primal about it. Hunting... being hunted. I think that being a woman in the sport makes it more fun. I'm not expected to be a threat and yet am one of the bigger ones. I'm not afraid of putting myself out there and getting shot. (Sorta how I live my life)
The hardest hat... Woman. I am all these things, but the most important hat isn't a hat at all. It's me. It's my head that they all sit on. So many people forget that they are someone. They get swept up into a category and it defines them. " I am a mom", " I am a CEO", "I am a this or that". No facets or otherness. No hallways from the front door to the other parts of them. They become the front door and never step beyond that. After my divorce I had to figure out who I was again. I can remember the first weekend without my kids I didn't know what to do at first. Sort of walked around in a haze. Then I remembered I had knit group. I had a life beyond "Mom" and "Work". There was "Me". Ever evolving and growing. I am covered in tattoos, but dress like a 50's housewife. I knit socks and baby sweaters but read paranormal romances. I love to laugh but hate comedies. ( I'm an action flick chick )
And thus ends my intro....
I wear many hats in my little world. The most important is that of Mom. It's a hat made of a paper plate and ribbon. With dandelions and tissue paper flowers glued to it. I have 2 girls who are 10 (Apple) and 11 (Bug). They are the most amazing people I know. In their little lives they have been through so much and come out on the other side like champs. They are comfortable in their own skin and not afraid to be who they want to that day. That is HUGE these days. Being a parent of a middle school daughter is no joke. It's why I am thinking of upping my Zoloft 'scrip.
Obviously I am someones daughter. This hat is one handed down through many generations. It has a pin on it of a scale. Once you become someones mom, you have to balance being a daughter, too. You realize you don't know it all but have to act like you do. Those days when you have to be strong for your kids are the days you want to crawl into your Mom's lap and be held. Trying to learn from the mistakes made before you, but having to make your own. Luckily I have a Mom who got so much right and it seems to be working for me with my girls.
Lover... I am someones girlfriend. Ahhhhh, my Wolf. I guess this one really isn't a hat. I wear my heart on my sleeve. This relationship is different from any other I have ever had. The man drives me insane, in a good way. I am falling madly for this guy and absolutely afraid to tell him. I am an in your face, tell it like it is kinda woman...No fear. Nothing ventured nothing gained. But with him.... This guy turns me into a puddle of girlieness that clams up and get silent when I am around him. He amazes me. He is beautiful and worldly. He reads... MY God, the man reads!!! He is intelligent and a smart ass, and loves food like I do. With a passion for the experience as much as the taste. He is an Italian from New York... can we say Marcie's Krypotnite. I don't know what our future holds but I will enjoy every moment of it, whether it is 5 days more or 50 years.
Hello, Ms Marcie the Lunch Lady here. I wear this hairnet proudly. It has given me the opportunities to get where I am today. I am the kids equivalent of a bartender. In those 20 seconds they are in front of me I hear about their summer plans, what they want for their birthdays, who they like or hate... it goes on and on. These kids are wonderful and I don't think many folks realize that.
The hobbies hat is 3 sided. On one side it has yarn and knitting needles poking out. I knit... to look at me you wouldn't believe it. I have this obsession with it. It's so old fashioned yet the modern patterns are amazing. I can push myself to try new things with it or do something simple just to keep my hands busy and mind at peace.
The next side is a little library. I eat books for breakfast. To dive into a world that is not mine but with images shaped in my head is better then any movie. Some days it is hard to chose between the books and the yarn.
My 3rd side is camo and paint splatters. My best friend turned me onto it last summer and after the first time playing there was no going back. To be out there on the field in battle. There is something primal about it. Hunting... being hunted. I think that being a woman in the sport makes it more fun. I'm not expected to be a threat and yet am one of the bigger ones. I'm not afraid of putting myself out there and getting shot. (Sorta how I live my life)
The hardest hat... Woman. I am all these things, but the most important hat isn't a hat at all. It's me. It's my head that they all sit on. So many people forget that they are someone. They get swept up into a category and it defines them. " I am a mom", " I am a CEO", "I am a this or that". No facets or otherness. No hallways from the front door to the other parts of them. They become the front door and never step beyond that. After my divorce I had to figure out who I was again. I can remember the first weekend without my kids I didn't know what to do at first. Sort of walked around in a haze. Then I remembered I had knit group. I had a life beyond "Mom" and "Work". There was "Me". Ever evolving and growing. I am covered in tattoos, but dress like a 50's housewife. I knit socks and baby sweaters but read paranormal romances. I love to laugh but hate comedies. ( I'm an action flick chick )
And thus ends my intro....
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